Disclaimer: I realize B lists are considered wrong according to ettiquette. I am not asking for an opinion on that. I have thought it through and arrived at where I am now. It’s people who we really want to have but did not initially fit in the venue with all the relatives and other family friends we have. I think they would rather get invited than not at all, and I am not sure how they would know they are on a B list because the people on it are not connected with other people we have invited (trying to be courteous, even if it’s technically not). We immediately got a lot of declines from relatives and have invited almost all of our B list, we have about 10 left. I am not sure what else to say about the topic.
The topic at hand: My mom just texted me- a family friend said they are going to be in town around the time of my wedding and wanted to know if that will be a good time to visit. Originally we did not include them in the guest list not because we don’t love them but because there are already so many people on the list, particularly family. We are not inviting any coworkers or more distant friends simply because there is not enough room. And we have 225 seats in our venue, so we are already inviting a LOT of people. My mom wants to know how to respond. I’m not sure. Wondering what your thoughts are, bees!
Some context- I haven’t seen these folks in 10 years but we are in touch on facebook and my parents see them once every couple years. The husband in the couple grew up with my dad and they were friends. To be honest, the dads don’t really talk anymore, it’s really the moms who are friends. But these people will probably always be in our lives every now and again. There are a couple other people at the end of our B list who were part of their group of friends, so we could invite them as a group when we get enough declines, but I feel like my mom should respond to her message sooner rather than later.
Would it be rude or bad if we told them we were busy with the wedding around xyz date and didn’t invite them? We are also going to be busy that weekend because immediately after the wedding my sisters leave home for college and grad school and my parents become empty nesters. Feelings might get hurt, but I wonder if that is inevitable with almost all wedding guest lists. Or should we find a way to squeeze them into the guest list? They’re coming up to visit their relatives in the first place and hoping to stop by to see my family. To be honest, I think my parents would probably be at the end of their guest lists for their chlidren’s weddings, but you never know. Everyone has different numbers of family and friends and different numbers of seating in the venues they choose.
Not sure what to do…
